Ok here goes, I’ve just opened up about this on Snapchat and had a heap of replies from people in the same boat – which has made me feel a whole lot better and not so much like an egg. Saying it out loud to a friend last night and then again on snapchat, I felt super lame… but I’m going to write it out here so that others know they’re not a weirdo – it’s actually pretty common. Or we’re both weirdos 😉
So here’s how it goes… we book in a date night eg last night for our wedding anniversary. I am super excited about it all day and leaving for it… then I get out and start feeling ill. Like I could vomit. I can stomach liquids but can’t stomach my meal. Most times I order food thinking ‘Jordan get over yourself and just eat the food’ but I take a few measly mouthfuls then call it a night. This happens every time. Every time we go out without the kids, every time I’ve ever gone away overnight (okay it’s only been like three times every – but every time I’ve got sick). Nare’s words ‘You’re as attached to the kids as they are to you’. Yes that sounds uber lame. But it’s true… I have separation anxiety just like they do.
It’s not because I’m worried about who I’ve left them with either, I only ever leave them with friends or family that I 100% trust and feel comfortably if the kids would wake. I just come up with all these crazy scenarios… what if there’s another big earthquake, what if we had a car crash and the kids lost us both, what if there was a fire. I know it’s silly but I literally can not shut off from those thoughts!
I’ve spoken about my anxiety around the earthquakes before, but it’s obviously so much more than that and has been around for longer… but I’ve never admitted it. I’ve never said ‘I have anxiety’. I suppose I didn’t believe I did and it always sounded so silly telling people about how leaving my kids makes me physically ill.
I’m just opening up about it in hope that it can even make one person feel a little less like crazy 💘
I’m always here to talk if anyone needs to chat 💕